Having A Premature Baby

Having a new baby is never easy, but about a week ago I was admitted into hospital. I was told after only a few days that I would deliver my baby by Cesarean Section because of having preeclampsia and I also had gestational diabetes. I wasn't prepared to go through this again, I was 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant and reliving the nightmare of my previous pregnancy was something that I wanted to avoid. The last pregnancy I had I had an emergency Cesarean Section at 34 weeks because of Preeclampsia. I was a lot worse the first pregnancy though because my kidneys were starting to fail. Now my baby is on special care baby unit and I am not allowed to see him because I have a cold. I feel sad and depressed. Seeing my baby lying all tubed up and on an incubator was something I dreaded seeing again. Feelings of helplessness and anxiety flood my body and mind. Having a baby is supposed to be a happy time, but right now I feel so depressed and low. I feel like I have failed to deliver a baby naturally once more. I was reading on the Internet that all these feelings are normal for those that have experienced sections and have their babies on special care baby units. It is a horrible situation, but the good news is that I have a beautiful baby boy who is doing well. He is a fighter and I know I will bring him home soon. His cot is waiting for him and my husband and daughter are looking forward to seeing him at home as well. Meanwhile my husband visits him every day and when my cold goes away I will visit him on the ward as well.