In which the erstwhile reporter teaches Canada's national press the proper definition of icon and Carneys while offering a backwards off kilter not regretful and insincere apology to G&M's John Ibbitson.
We begin our summary of week 3 by beginning with today's "special" served up in The Globe & Mail by self confessed "number cruncher" Eric Grenier triitled (misspelling intentional as in trite simplistic deduction):Will Liberals keep their bounce in the polls? Probably not where the wise mathematical genius delivers the thesis that polls can sometimes be mistaken and wrong excepting of course his own his pool of urine...er ..I mean poll which is mysteriously labeled 308.
Grenier provides us with a link to his amazing infographic which proves by scientific calculation and pure wizardry that once candidates become leaders their popularity often drops like a stone in a well......But...wait we interrupt this obviously brain damaged press review because there is more important "news" coming down the mojo wire!
Rumor has it that paint is drying and the sky may or may not be blue and in a related story clouds have been sighted in the same aforementioned sky!
Don't worry sweet chicken little it's just a temporary Skyfall.
Yep...that's right g-man you sir are stuffed full of baloney!
However I wish you much luck in your future position with Goldman-Sachs creating "sophisticated derivative products" for sale to hedge funds and their ignorant custodians who clever uberbankers refer to as "muppets" with what I am sure is a term that they offer with only great respect and dignity.
Just around the corner and up around the bend The National Post'sJohn Ivison informs Canadians that astronut Marc Garneau is a flowing fountain of fiscal responsibility and that he is a good contrast to JT.
Ivison reveals much in the piece and among the nuggets of pure Scottish thought he imparts that Martha Findlay Hall has cleared her debts from a previous run at the throne and may well be entering the race in the near future. We also learn that Mr. Garneau has earned a doctorate in electrical engineering and that he was once an admirer of the
"Mulroney era Progressive Conservatives".
What Canada truly needs is a candidate who is a fiscal expert in electrical engineering who harkens back to the good old Mooroney days to lead the Liberal Party!!!
So we await with baited breath for the man from space to throw his hat in the ring, but should you see him in the street would you mention that my DVD player is broken and if he wouldn't mind using his great skills as an electrical engineer to fix it that I would be eternally grateful!
Upon reading this great Scottish advice from what I am assuming is Bizzarro Earth 5 it occurs to me that I mistook John Ivison with John Ibbitson in my last article on JT and that my instructions on Scottish diction had mistakenly attributed the rolling thunder of Ivison for the mulled tones of Ibbitson. So Ivison should read my advice in the above link and well ibbitson sorry i was wrong about your voice; but you are still a silly prat!
However if it is any consolation you may both rely on the fact that this reporter is not unlike other willing prostitutes in that after all these years "in the field" he cannot tell one" johni "from the other!
It must be mentioned that in many columns reports and articles written about JT's run for leadership of the Liberals that the word icon comes up more often than not. Webster's dictionary defines an icon as:
" a conventional religious image typically painted on a wooden panel and used in the devotions of Eastern Christians."
Here is an image of an icon:
A depiction of Jesus Christ
Here is an image of Justin Trudeau:
Justin Trudeau, as can be seen on his site.
Yeah, sure they were both born on Christmas day and they both had beards , one turned water to wine and the other may have turned beer into water but my point is get a thesaurus and find a different descriptive process because it is tiresome to read the same word in every second article of the 50,000 upcoming pieces which I shall pore over to deliver whimsical musings on the electric circus that masquerades as a political process in the Constitutional Monarchy that is Canada.
The above clip is supplied to illustrate what most folks think a Carney is.
A slightly amusing but charming criminal and sometimes petty thief who lures muppets into buying specialized derivative products which may or may not empty their bank accounts.
Now no one is accusing Mark Carney of being anything like that, but it may be suggested that as head of the Bank Of Canada he does allow their sale in the Great White North which a beat cop might interpret as "aiding and abetting". So the next time one of you "political experts" decide that it is time for MC to run for the Liberal leadership remember he is too busy " fixing the economy" and way too unpopular to win anything including the golden ring at your local fair's kiddie merry go round,then again he could always consider the Chubby Bunny challenge!
Meanwhile over at Maclean's the follicular challenged jazz loving scribePaul Wells pens a thoughtful piece on how
"gifted political performer Dalton McGuinty"
may have pulled a Sarah Palin to consider a run at the Liberal leadership. In the piece he delivers a fairly accurate and interesting brief history of the woes of the Liberal Party.
His diatribe posits a theory on why a JT led party with centrist ambitions may fail to win a real election.
" If Harper and Tom (!) Mulcair were wide eyed freaks there would be acres of room for a centrist party. They aren't, so there isn't.
Photo courtesy Conservative Party
Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper
New Democratic Party leader Thomas Mulcair
You are correct Paul their eyes are not wild, those eyes are thoughtful and extremely happy, and should you the reader doubt the word of Maclean's I will have you know that the periodical is the preferred choice for Canada's pet owners as an excellent litter box and bird cage liner!
On October 20/12 The National Post published a thoughtful and insightful commentary from that grand old institution brought to you by the nation's public broadcaster and thesaurus toting dinosaur Rex Murphy who plaintively shouts to the universe at large: Don't let this be the Justin Trudeau Show.
In his commentary Newfoundland's greatest joke...er I meant jerk...ooops sorry typo...Journo reminds us of the common complaint against JT is "who's you daddy", that his privileged background disqualifies him from serious political thought, and also reveals that he supports "men from space" as possible PMs and also would love to see a certain uberbanker join the race.
I would continue but this old blowhard's cantankerous whining has just about made me have a stroke from doubling up in laughter and while I do welcome the upcoming stroke that I shall surely receive I still have a young kitten to support, and hence the writing of this wordy piece. But back to the Murph-dog for a minute as he also has now shortened the prospective candidate's moniker from Justin Trudeau to simply "J" thereby producing a meme that has likened the favored candidate to that of a marijuana cigarette! Quelle Scandal!
So it shall be that from now on I shall refer to him as "J" but in fairness to the other parties I shall refer to the Prime Minister as The Sharper (S for Steven then his last name) Image ( cause he has a public and a private one), The leader of the Opposition we shall just call The MulDog, and Ms Elizabeth May as EMay, now they all have cool 21st century names!
Thanx Murphdog (yep that's your new modern nickname)!
Tune in for the next press review when we play a special edition of "Who's your daddy ?" with all the leaders and teach the national press gallery what a "rock star" is!
This opinion article was written by an independent writer. The opinions and views expressed herein are those of the author and are not necessarily intended to reflect those of DigitalJournal.com