A 'sideways' review of the latest goings-on in Coronation Street, the popular British Soap Opera.
This post looks at episodes broadcast in the UK 8th-12th October 2012
*Warning: May Contain Spoilers*
Tracy and Ryan were at it like rabbits (but now he's like a rabbit caught in the headlights), Gail 'rabbits on' at the Bistro and Steve's 'on' his bike.
Every so often there's a week on Corrie which is so full of humour that you could easily forget it was a Soap. This week was one of those weeks. A big thank you to the writers for THE most glorious of scripts, and to the actors for the most brilliant delivery of those scripts!
Deirdre's been at the centre of the action over #KenWen, and the one-liners have come thick and fast. She was already suspicious ("Oh, it was an affair alright. I just rumbled you before you had a chance to show her your kimono."), but when she saw him polishing his best shoes her eyes were out on stalks.
"So, are you and your brogues going anywhere special?" she quizzed.
All the fun of the Fayre
It turned out he was off to the Bessie Street School Fayre. You'd have thought they were off to the Royal Box at Ascot (judging by Julie's outfit), and the way Ken's face fell as Deirdre gave him 'rat eyes' for laughing at Wendy's question: "How can I make myself useful – not in the existential* sense," was a joy!
"Look at the behind. She's no stranger to cakes," Julie whispered conspiratorially to Deirdre in an attempt to reassure her.
Deirdre's right though: she and Ken really don't have much in common (except for Tracy, unfortunately), and as if Deirdre didn't have enough on her mind, she then found out that she might be about to become a Grandma again.
Put him down love. You're old enough to be his mother.
Again; wonderful comedy and comic acting from Deirdre and Tracy, although seeing Tracy pawing Ryan like that's enough to knock you sick! She's almost twice his age, but is behaving like a teenager.
"I'm not permanently on heat," she chastised Ryan as he tried to give her a kiss. Ha. You are when it's to your advantage Tracy, love.
Not only does it bring up the whole babysitting thing for poor old Ken and Deirdre, but it's hardly something to you'd want to announce in the Weatherfield Gazette, is it?
"Our daughter is having a baby by her husband's girlfriend's son. It's deeply unedifying," Ken sighed.
"It's deeply Jerry Springer," Tracy crowed triumphantly.
Assuming she IS actually pregnant (she appeared indignant enough when questioned so maybe she is telling the truth?), she gave poor Ryan little option but to stand by her after her shameful "I'm setting you free my darling," speech, and somehow managed to achieve both her objectives by not only getting her man, but also splitting Steve and Michelle up in the process.
We'll believe you: thousands wouldn't!
Poor Ryan looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights. "We're both in love and looking forward to raising our child together," he gulped as Tracy nuzzled up to him like a love-struck schoolgirl.
"Ah. I didn't even see your lips move. Very impressive," Ken noted.
"I … I know my own mind," he tried to assert feebly!
Everyone can see how Tracy's manipulating Ryan. Michelle said the same thing: "You might as well sit on her knee saying "Gottle of geer," she told him, but the poor lad's well and truly in Tracy's clutches now, and she's barely even started!
"I'm going to have to sit down as me and bubba are really tired now, ok?" she swooned melodramatically (like some tragic Bronte heroine)!
Ooh, if anything's going to get Ryan back on the drugs faster than you can say 'daddy' it'll be the thought of a future with Tracy Barlow. Tracy's jaw-droppingly creepy as she 'embraces' the role of mother-to-be, but there's not one person (apart from her) who thinks that this is going to be anything less than an a complete and utter catastrophe.
Gag for Gail on Table Two, please
Over at the Bistro, Gail causes a near-catastrophe every time she opens her mouth. Why Nick lets her do anything other than pot-washing (well away from the customers!) is a mystery to me.
Audrey arrived back this week, distraught at Lewis's disappearance from the Eurostar. It's hard to do that sort of snivelly crying without it looking really fake, but Audrey pulls it off brilliantly.
"He's either topped himself or he's done a runner with't traveller's cheques," Kylie speculated.
"What? 900 quid's worth? He's probably just ran off with some minted widow," David replied matter-of-factly.
I think Kylie could do with running off with a minted widower. Either that, or find herself a new career, as David's hardly encouraging her, is he? If she managed to keep her neck wound-in she'd make a good waitress (better than GAIL, anyway!), and there could be a lot of comedy mileage if she ended up working at the Bistro (properly though – not like when she was dancing on the table that time!).
Don't cry, Michelle. She'll be back soon …
The other great comedy we've been treated to this week has been between Steve and Michelle. Steve's such a natural funny man but hasn't a clue when it comes to women, and managed to put his foot in it – again – with Michelle and she went and kicked him out.
Poor Michelle. She's had about as much as she can take over these last few months, and we can be pretty sure it's only going to get worse. You know what she needs most, don't you? Yes, Carla!
It's now less than four weeks before Carla's due back on-screen (not that I've been counting!), and I just hope that the pair of them will finally realise that men are just not worth the trouble and that they're made for each other.
Ah, yes #Carchelle fans; it'll soon be time to revive our Carla Corner!
The thought of Carla and Michelle together brings a smile to my face, but not as many smiles – and laugh-out-loud moments – as this week's episodes have given me. Fill your boots with a bumper Grins of the Week:
Ken: "We agreed that you wouldn't smoke inside, for the sake of the wallpaper."
Deirdre: "Stuff the wallpaper."
Tracy: "So, how's Michelle?"
Steve (sarcastically): "She's online looking at recipes for Christening cakes (!) How do you think she is?"
Ken: "Wendy is a fellow school governor."
Deirdre: "Well, that explains your sudden 'calling'."
Gloria: "This tea is so stewed, you should have lobbed in a couple of dumplings."
Deirdre: "I can't stand this: you huffing and puffing behind your book. You sound like a pair of flamin' bellows."
Sally (to Eva): "You should consider modelling."
Beth: "Oh, I used to – back in the day."
Gloria: "Don't go throwing your towels all over the floor."
Eva: "I never do."
Gloria: "Well, don't start now."
Kylie: "I'm about as much use in here as an afro comb in Norris's wash bag."
Ken: "Any more tea in the pot?"
Deirdre: "Only one way to find out … "
Kylie: "Making coffee and sweeping up Emily's fringe? It's hardly 'high-powered' is it?"
Maria: "Not the way you do it, no."
Tracy: "Have you ever thought you might be depressed?"
Michelle: "Try suicidal."
Ken: "As a school governor I can create a better future for Amy and Simon."
Deirdre: "You'll be breaking into song next."
Beth: "When I drink alone I'm always conspicuous. It's a curse really."
David: "Excuse Kylie. She wants to change the world."
Kylie: "Just our world … "
Michelle: "My son's only been living with you two minutes and suddenly you're his flamin' life coach."
* I didn't know what existential meant either. After five minutes clicking on various links (which left me more confused than ever) I found this: 'Existentialism is the contemplation of your existence'. Well, that's cleared that one up. (!)
* Michelle's oven racks have never seen a roast dinner.
* David said Kylie's client could have come out looking like 'Nicki Minaj'. I'd never heard of her (or him) so had to look it up!
* Gloria said she'd popped Eva's mattress on the Pub Inspector's bed. "Popped'? A woman that age doesn't just 'pop' anything (apart from her back). How did she lift it by herself, as – presumably – it'd be a double?