Salt Lake City
A Salt Lake City man decided to use his obituary as a place to make several confessions of things he'd done during his lifetime.
Val Patterson, 59, passed away on July 10. He had been afflicted with throat cancer, reported the Salt Lake Tribune.
The Salt Lake City native had penned an obituary last fall, which was posted online after his passing. In the obituary, he highlights the joys of his life, but also admitted to some shocking revelations.
First he confessed to a theft of a safe back in June 1971, he writes, "As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest."
Patterson was a scientist as his chosen field of work, but admitted he did not have the education credentials he'd claimed throughout his career.
"Also, I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail," Patterson writes. "I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for."
He adds, "For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work."
Patterson also confessed to placing rocks into a park geyser, and alluded to pranks he may have pulled at Disneyland and SeaWorld San Diego, telling both establishments "you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me."
He also leaves a sentimental tribute to his wife, his "beloved" Mary Jane, who "made his spirit whole".
"Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled," he penned, adding, "I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely, " he writes.
Yahoo! News reported (via KSL-TV), Mary Jane confirms all of the confessions are true.
Val Patterson said his life motto was "Anything for a laugh," but he ended his light-hearted obituary on a more solemn note.
He said one regret in life was smoking, noting how it caused him to lose a "decade or more" of he and Mary Jane growing old together.
He was born on March 27, 1953 and died on July 10, 2012. The obituary can be read in full online.