Flatulence deodorizer promises to take the stink out of gas

Prolific passers of gas are excited about an innovative product that claims to take the stink out of farts by filtering noxious flatulence through a charcoal pad.

It's called the flatulence deodorizer and it's being offered by the pioneering minds at Flat-D Innovations, Inc., purveyors of groundbreaking (and wind-breaking) products as the gas sack, the fart-absorbing chair pad, and the ever-popular, just-for-her FEM-D Total Control queef-quasher pad. Flat-D, which bills itself as a "manufacturer and direct marketer of the first highly-effective flatulence deodorizing products," describes its disposable flatulence deodorizer as "an activated charcoal cloth pad that is worn taped inside the underwear next to the buttocks." How does it work? "When intestinal gas is expelled the flatulence filter pad absorbs the gas odor normally associated with the gassy discharge or flatus," Flat-D explains. The flatulence deodorizer may be no laughing matter to people suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, lactose intolerance, spastic colon, diabetes, colitis, Crohn's disease and other ailments, individuals for whom the shart-smothering strength of the product could prove a real godsend. The pads help those people "regain confidence, end embarrassment, live life again and enjoy freedom," Flat-D says. A month's supply of the pads costs $30. They're for sale directly from the manufacturer, from medical supply websites, and on eBay, where one seller is offering a "blow a hole in your drawers special" for the Fourth of July. Disclaimer: "product offers zero protection if you flat-out fully crap your pants."