Op-Ed: Why I'm Switching Political Parties

I'm switching political parties. Here's why. I believe in going where I'm needed, and I think the other party needs a boost now. They need numbers and voices of moderation and someone to care about them. That's me, so I'm going to help.

I believe in the balance of power, that no political party should dominate everything. Even though I like many of the Democrats positions, I believe in making sure that no political party is in absolute control. So it's time to move on over. This will be difficult, and I hope that I will be received well. For one thing, I love Pennsylvania and the Steelers and Pirates, so that will be helpful now that Arlen Spector is leaving the Republican Party. I may not be Spector, but I don't need to be a spectator either. I can get right out there and get busy recruiting right now. Now here's where I'll be helpful. For one thing, I am seen as moderate to left, depending upon the area of the country I might be, so that means when I jump in I will make sure that I bring as many faces of color with me I can. I will also bring people of independent faith or no faith at all. Along with that, I will have with me cat lovers, folk music aficionados, people who love red wine and women of a certain age who aren't afraid to tell. I intend to be right there in front. I will make sure I wear jeans, a loose-fitting blouse and will grow my hair and get it to gray. That will help me stand out. I'll bring some young, black gay guy and pass him off as my brother. Outside I will have a picket line of friends holding signs. I will recommend the party keep the initials of G.O.P., which used to mean Grand Old Party, that came to represent Grand Old Patterns and help it mean Great Opportunities Pending. That ought to signal that the group will be on the right track. I like Arnold Schwarzeneggar; and if he could make it with the Kennedy family still accepting him, I think my family will fall right in line. I can be the study in contrast with Sarah Palin, so she'll look even more beautiful and promise to keep my mouth shut so she looks smarter than me. I will bake cookies for the crowds with a little bit of pot, and I promise you that those old folks will be very mellow when I get through. So wish me luck on my journey. If I have to come back, keep the door open please.